When Life Gets Messy, Don't Postpone Your Joy

Most of us go through life wishing we could live a more balanced life, instead of feeling like we are on an emotional roller coaster. And, most of us know intellectually what to do. But, only having an intellectual understanding doesn't really change much. It has to settle in your heart and soul for true and lasting change.

The past four months have been a whirlwind of deep, intense inner work. Spirit tested me

numerous times along the way to see how committed I was to this work.

One of the biggest tests appeared recently. I had a growth on my face removed early in April. The report from my doctor and the pathologist was a bit shocking — the tumor was cancerous. I thought I had misread it, so I double-checked my translation. Unfortunately, I read it correctly; it was a malignant tumor.

I'm going to let you sit with that for a moment, because I know what that word can do to people. It stopped me too — for just a breath. The word 'cancer' carries the weight of every fear we’ve been taught to attach to it. And then something unexpected happened. Instead of that fear taking root... clarity did. The good news is that both the doctor and the pathologist think the surgery got everything, and that it only needs to be watched.

Cancer has a reputation for teaching people about living — but usually through fear, crisis, or a dramatic turning point. That is not what happened here. What arrived instead was clarity, presence, and the quiet recognition of four months of deep work embodied in my heart and soul.

My first coherent thought after the cancer shock passed was simple: don't postpone joy. Not someday. Not when things settle down. Now. Cancer has a way of burning through every small negotiation we make with ourselves — all those times we say yes when we mean no, tolerate what doesn't serve us, or put off the life we actually want for something less. In one moment, those trades become visible for exactly what they are.

I observed myself processing the fact that cancer had been living in my body. Then I thought for a moment, "Is there anyone I want to talk to right now?" I realized I was not ready to share this information, and gave myself permission to keep it to myself.

Having now had some time to digest this new diagnosis, I am looking forward to doing some comprehensive journaling about what lessons and opportunities the cancer is bringing me.  I love to journal!  It allows you to feel your emotions and get a better understanding about what is really happening. I will end up with a potent list of affirmations, and will do a clearing and release ceremony to let go of any remaining cancer energy.

From Winter Solstice to the Year of the Fire Horse

My recent journey of deep inner work began on the Winter Solstice when I was inspired to prepare for the Year of the Fire Horse. It was a very intense 58 days, filled with meditation, ceremonies, and almost 50 pages of journaling. Things I thought I had thoroughly processed resurfaced, demanding more work. Deep insights, tears, processing, forgiveness, and release.

The first test appeared about a month into my work. I was surprised to experience something that would normally have triggered me — yet, this time, it had no effect on me. I was able to "observe without absorbing.”

Next came a series of challenges that would have sunk me in the past. My dog's hip popped out of the socket twice; she ended up needing hip surgery. At the same time, I injured my arm. Literally, I was either at the vet, the ER or the doctor, almost every day for the first two weeks. Since it was my right arm, I had to find someone to help me clean and re-bandage my arm. And I had to scramble to find a dog crate and rearrange my house so I could keep an eye on my dog. We moved downstairs to avoid the stairs and confined her to the smaller bedroom. Hip surgery for a dog is serious, and recovery can take a long time.

During this time, Spirit gave me more tests. A person whom I considered a close friend decided this was a good time to pull back and not be available. For several weeks, someone had to watch my dog constantly to make sure she didn't hurt her hip again. So, I stayed home by myself with my dog.

Thinking it would be difficult and lonely to be so isolated, I was surprised by how happy and content I felt. For most of my life, I was drawn to be around people and wanted to be doing things. This time, all I wanted to do was be with my dog.

I also realized I had no desire to rehash all the details. I have known for a long time that retelling negative or stressful stories can cause problems. Each time you retell it, you are reliving it. Now, this became automatic — besides telling the basics, I did not want to relive the story.

After several weeks, things began to settle down. Then I got a UTI and had a serious allergic reaction to the antibiotics; it may have caused some liver damage. My doctor was very concerned and told me I would need to immediately stop the antibiotics, yet I still had a raging infection. He suggested homeopathy, which, honestly, I was doubtful would work. I knew my body was a wreck from the antibiotics, so I agreed to the homeopathic approach. Happy to report it worked!

And that brings us back to the recent cancer diagnosis. Because I had already become comfortable not telling my story about the other challenges, I knew that I was not ready to share anything about the "Big C" yet.

Not sure where the need to tell people what is happening in my life began. I grew up with a very dysfunctional family and lots of gaslighting. My guess is that I knew what I saw and felt was true. The gaslighting started a pattern of me sharing to see if anyone else saw or understood what I was experiencing.

I am sharing all of this with you now because all the deep inner work I did has significantly changed my life. And, it can change your life too, if you commit to doing the work. I spent years understanding these concepts in my mind. This past winter they finally moved into my heart and soul. That is where real change lives.

In the midst of all of this — the surgeries, the isolation, the diagnosis — something else was quietly being born. The very tools and practices that carried me through these past four months became the foundation for two new programs I will be launching soon. I am excited to share with you how I was able to quickly ground myself with anchors to keep myself calm and peaceful.

What do you do when you are in the middle of a life storm?

We all live in the same messy world. The difference is when you allow it to keep you stuck, rather than using the tools to learn the lessons. I have been recently tested in a big way, and have managed to find and maintain my clarity and joy. I can teach you the tools to move through life with grace.

Watch for more information about these new programs.

I received this from one of my healing clients after I posted the blog. Feeling grateful.

“Oh Chloe what a journey you have been on, and your courage to

trust your knowing is more than remarkable.  

You have always had this profound vision and belief in spirit.

I found so much wisdom in your writing.”